3 Signs A Person is Unsafe
Unsafe people are everywhere, not just lurking in dark corners or fitting some obvious "stranger danger" physical stereotype. In fact, the most dangerous individuals often present themselves as friendly, charming, and deeply empathetic. They are socially skilled and emotionally persuasive, capable of making us feel welcomed, understood, and safe.
That’s exactly what makes them so dangerous.
These individuals gain trust easily. They say the right things, mirror our values, and appear to care deeply about us and others. At first, they either draw us in or make it easy for us to invite them into our lives. And once we’re close, we begin to overlook their questionable comments or concerning behaviors. We do this because they’ve already made us feel like we know them.
That’s exactly how they set the foundation for future harm. When that harm comes — whether emotional, physical, or social — we often don’t recognize it for what it is. Instead of questioning their behavior, we question ourselves:
“Did I overreact?”
“Maybe I misunderstood?”
“They’re a good person… right?”
Because they’re so convincing, we may accept their excuses or write it off as a misunderstanding. It's not until the harm becomes undeniable, when it shows up in our physical safety, social standing, or mental health, that we finally recognize the truth: we were manipulated.
This is why learning to spot unsafe behaviors early is a vital part of protecting ourselves and our children.
Here are three behaviors commonly displayed by unsafe people before material harm occurs:
1. They Don’t Respect Boundaries
Unsafe people regularly ignore or push past 0our limits, whether that’s physical space, emotional openness, or time. They might guilt us for saying “no,” or keep pressing even after we’ve been clear. Respectful people honor our boundaries. Unsafe people test them.
2. They Lack Discretion Around Sex (and Other Personal Topics)
If someone consistently brings up sex or deeply personal topics in inappropriate settings, especially with children, in appropriate times or places, or with [new] acquaintances, it’s a red flag. This behavior isn’t just immature; it can be a way to normalize boundary violations and desensitize others to inappropriate content. This allows them to cause harm without being confronted in the future.
3. They Treat Others Poorly and Justify It
Pay attention to how they treat people they don’t “need” (e.g. waitstaff, coworkers, ex-partners, unpopular people, or children). If they’re cruel, dismissive, or manipulative but always have a reason ("they deserved it"), believe what you’re seeing. It’s only a matter of time before that behavior turns toward us.
Ensuring our own safety, and those we care about, means more than reacting when something bad happens. It’s about being aware of the subtle signs of danger, and being proactive in protecting ourselves.
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