Wellness at Our Own Pace
Recovering from trauma, especially the kind rooted in sexual violence, is not a straight path, nor is it a one-size-fits-all process. For many survivors, living a life that isn’t led by trauma requires deep inner work, patience, and compassion. It involves education about what trauma is and how it affects us; access to and utilization of mental health resources; and, the ongoing, often difficult work of processing and managing the weight of our experiences. Most importantly, it takes time.
Time is a crucial input in the wellness process, but it’s one that is often misunderstood or undervalued by those outside of the survivor community. The truth is, there is no universal timeline for rebounding. Each of our journeys is shaped by deeply personal factors: our beliefs, our socialization, our environment, and whether or not we have access to trauma-informed support systems. For one person, the path to wellness might begin to open up after six months. For another, it might take four years, or longer. But no matter the timeframe, it’s a valid timeframe.
Our wellness journeys are as unique as our stories. No two paths are the same because no two experiences of trauma are the same. The ways we were victimized, the people around us, our coping mechanisms, and the resources available to us all play a role in how - and how quickly - we heal. Some of us have a strong support system that includes people who are not only emotionally available but also trauma-informed. Others may be navigating the wellness effort with little to no support. And, these differences matter.
“The truth is, there is no universal timeline for rebounding. Each of our journeys is shaped by deeply personal factors: our beliefs, our socialization, our environment, and whether or not we have access to trauma-informed support systems.”
That’s why it’s so important for both primary survivors (those directly impacted by sexual violence) and secondary survivors (loved ones, friends, supporters) to understand: There is no set time to “get better.” It is not okay for anyone to pressure us to move on, speed up, or “be over it.” Healing is not a race, and it’s not something that can be forced. When someone implies that we should be farther along, what they’re really doing, whether they realize it or not, is adding stress and shame to an already heavy burden. That pressure can actually worsen the impact of trauma rather than help us move through it.
Only we get to define your wellness. Only we know what’s best for your body, mind, and heart. And only we have the right to set the pace. Wellness is not about meeting someone else’s expectations. It’s about reclaiming our own lives in a way that feels safe and authentic to us.
For everyone is in the midst of the journey, know this: It’s okay to take your time. No one is slow or behind. No one is broken. We are all doing the best we can with what we have - and that is more than enough.
We should all remember to be gentle with ourselves. And, remember, none of us is alone.
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