The Invisibility of Survivorship
The sexual assault survivorship journey is rarely discussed in mainstream news sources and societal outlets. The few times sexual assault or abuse is recognized is due to celebrity involvement; gross severity from a single source (person or group); or, an extreme survivor response that has been made public. But, in those instances, only the crime is addressed while survivorship is ignored. To realize real social reform, it’s important for people [outside of the survivorship community] to understand that victimization causes (lifelong) struggles.
There are many intentional societal acts that prevent mainstream news resources and societal outlets from fully understanding the real effects of sex crimes on individuals:
Softening of Language - Terms like “nonconsensual sex” or “sex with a minor” or “sex act with an incapacitated person” all contain the word “sex”. This causes some people to believe that consent was involved or that the act wasn’t that bad. We have to reinforce the importance of using the correct terms to provide a clear understanding of the severity of the crime: rape, molestation, statutory rape, molestation, voyeurism.
Victim Blaming - This is the act of putting the responsibility of the crime on the victimized person instead of the perpetrator. It allows for the facts of the crime to be dismissed, along with the sexual assault or abuse survivor’s feelings and needs. The mental and emotional impairment of victimized persons makes it difficult to fight back and vocalize the truth. Thus, the belief that the crime wasn’t that bad (or it didn’t happen at all) is allowed to prevail. Perpetrators are then allowed to move freely in the world, without consequence.
Because of these (and many more) issues, it’s easy for people to assume that the effects of sexual assault and abuse stop when the perpetrator and victimized person get dressed and move away from the scene of the crime. And, that simply isn’t true.
None of us (without a medical degree) was given an education on the long lasting effects of trauma. So, we inherit the beliefs and behavioral practices of our local and extended communities. Per this practice, traumas such a being in car accidents, suffering from cancer, being robbed, experiencing divorce are considered to be socially acceptable. Survivors of these traumas are made to feel comfortable to talk about specific feelings and details related to each experience. But, a person who has suffered the trauma of sexual violation isn’t always welcome to share feelings because the community tells us that we’ve done something to “deserve it”. This wrong belief forces many of us to suffer in silence. We don’t feel safe showing the real effects of survivorship. The only thing that people will see is the coping mechanism: addiction, promiscuity, social withdrawal, toxic relationships, perceived laziness (aka depression), suicide, aggressive outbursts, etc.
Social change is going to come when mainstream media and societal outlets understand that sexual assault and abuse survivors suffer far beyond the moment of the crime. They need to know that we have to accept and continually deal with the fact that “it” happened. Specifically, we may repeatedly relive the details of the point in time when we were stolen from ourselves. [Some survivors describe the moment they were attacked as the time when they had to “bear witness to their own murder”.] They need to know that the trauma from being attacked causes a chemical rewiring in the brain that changes the function from connection to protection. This means that we see the world differently - it’s now a much more dangerous place. And, our perceptions of ourselves and the people around us has changed drastically because trust is gone. Pair these with the fact that the ability to focus, independently regulate emotions or control physical responses may be severely limited. Simply put, they need to know that survivors have to figure out who we are and how we’re going to navigate the world while processing trauma.
If we’re going to have a better survivorship journey, we need awareness to increase on a broader platform. This is the only way that majority perception is going to shift. We can help cause this shift by choosing to survive openly, in our spaces. It’s easier said than done. But, it can be done. We, as survivors, have a right to live out loud…publicly…without shame…trauma in hand…visible in our survivorship journeys.