How to Not Promote Victim Blaming
Our society looks at safety from the perspective that the world is inherently dangerous and it’s every person’s responsibility to not be victimized. This mindset is ingrained into us from childhood, whether directly or indirectly communicated, and creates a victim blaming society.
This current societal mindset allows victimization to take place - becoming more frequent over the years - and prevents perpetrators from being brought to justice. And, it’s ironic because the current social perspective of sexual violence is different than the words that are publicly spoken. Despite promoting and enabling a victim blaming society, people make public declarations speaking against sexual violence; participate in campaigns supporting survivors; or, donate money to organizations that provide resources to survivors. This behavior is inconsistent.
From a survivor perspective, the inconsistency makes it feel like the world doesn’t care about us but wants to be perceived as if it does. There is active enablement of sexual violence and empty words of support regularly spoken. It’s as if there isn’t any desire to actually make the world safer. It’s as if there’s a desire to keep the status quo because it’s easier to remain the same instead of doing the hard work to make meaningful changes to increase safety in our society.
“To change this perspective, we need consistency between the words and actions of the majority (aka people who haven’t been sexually victimized).”
To drive consistency between words and actions, everyone needs to understand:
Sexual violence is a learned behavior.
Sexual violence is about power, not sexual gratification. It’s not about what a victimized person wore, did or consumed (drank or ate).
93% of victimized persons know the attacker (family, friend, acquaintance, community member, co-worker, etc.). Victimizers expect to get away with the crime.
There are various trauma responses and two may seem like consent has been given even though it hasn’t: fight, flight, freeze, fawn.
Consent is non-negotiable, needed prior to each and every encounter, and can be withdrawn at anytime before or during an encounter.
Victimizers don’t harm every person they know.
Anyone can be victimized regardless of age, class, education, income, relationship status, or level of influence.
A person has a greater likelihood of being victimized by a sex crime than being falsely accused of committing one.
To change this perspective, we need consistency between the words and actions of the majority (aka people who haven’t been sexually victimized). We need these people to be more aware of facts about sexual victimization. This education will allow the shift of responsibility to move from the victim to the victimizer. And, ultimately, cause victimizers to be held accountable for their crimes.
Understanding sexual violence is key to changing the way we think about it. This change shifts our behaviors to align with our words, removing the inconsistency and victim blaming. It allows us to set social expectations and boundaries that hold perpetrators accountable. It can also help make the world a safe place that better supports sexual assault survivors and prevents further crimes.