The Left Behinds
Per the current information: 1 in 6 men is sexually violated in his lifetime. Many know this stat. It’s very public information that is discussed in open spaces, but consistently glossed over. Why?
Men are people too. Sexually assaulted men are traumatized too. Traumatized men need both help and support too. So, why aren’t we also discussing and including men and other gender identities into mainstream conversations and support networks? Is it because over 90% of sexual assaults are committed by men? Is it because we have demonized all men in a way that lessens their harm? Or, is it because we have been so harmed by men that the pain prevents those of us who have been harmed by them from fully humanizing them?
What ever the reason or multitude of reasons, we have to figure it out. Because the source of the harm also holds the solution to prevent the harm. GOTU Founder and CEO, TL Robinson, has been traveling the globe to understand sexual violence on a global scale. And, her findings across 4 different countries are consistent:
women and children are centralized in reports and support resources
boys are the less believed and supported group of victims of sexual violence
sexual violence is about control and opportunity; no one “asks for it”
education about sexual violence doesn’t deter the crime, it makes it more hidden
perpetrators of the crime have been taught to violate the boundaries of others
Although the work is ongoing and there are more insights to come, the core findings are consistent. Traumatized men are more likely to go on and traumatize others. It’s easy for this to happen because we leave men behind emotionally. Successfully combatting sexual violence means that we have to give men a unique focus that centers their feelings and teaches them how to better manage them, especially the hard ones.
It’s important to reaffirm that not all men are perpetrators. It’s also important to reaffirm that not all victimized men go on the victimize others. Although true, these two truths don’t negate the fact that men are the primary victimizers. So, teaching boys how to manage difficult feelings may help them grow up, in more control of their anger, and be less likely to enact those negative feelings in the form of violence.
Centering feelings of boys and men, the same way we do with girls and women, may help us see them differently…as victimized persons. It may help us hold them closer and see more of their humanity instead of the risks that they bring [to any situation]. The only question left is, “Where do we start?”