Finding Our Way to Internal Peace

Realizing internal peace after being sexually violated is a huge feat to accomplish. It requires a certain amount of intestinal fortitude to keep moving forward, even during the darkest of times. The goal of this act isn’t to behave is if we weren’t stolen from ourselves, it’s for each of us who’ve been victimized to live a happy and successful life despite the trauma.

There is no manual for successfully gaining one’s footing after being sexually assaulted or abused, nor is there enough societal conversations about the topic. Unlike with driving, cooking, or speaking, we aren’t educated. This like of education left us vulnerable and unprepared to help ourselves after being attacked. The lack of preparation and readily available community are what make realizing peace feel impossible.

The good news is that an accomplishment feeling impossible and being impossible are two different things. And, realizing internal peace may possibly happen via education, self-actualization, and time:

Education:

Learning about sexual violence can be an important part of reclaiming our peace. Understanding consent, bodily autonomy, bodily agency, coercion, abuse, trauma responses, and the manipulative tactics perpetrators may use can help us recognize an essential truth: the responsibility for the sexual violence belongs solely to the perpetrator.

Education can challenge the self-blame, doubt, and feelings of helplessness that so many of us carry. We can begin to understand that freezing, complying, dissociating, not fighting back, returning to a relationship, or not immediately reporting what was done to us doesn’t make us responsible for someone else's decision to sexually abuse or assault us.

Knowledge can help us replace questions like “What was wrong with me?” with “What was done to me, and what do I need now?” That shift can be powerful.

Self-Actualization:

Self-actualization is about discovering and developing who we are and what we are capable of becoming. After living through sexual violence, this can mean reconnecting with parts of ourselves that trauma may have pushed into the background or embracing the parts of ourselves that show up afterward.

We may discover that we have more emotional, mental, and physical strength than we realized. We can learn to establish and reinforce boundaries, make decisions that honor our needs, pursue interests that bring us joy, and recognize the qualities that existed within us all along.

Our strength doesn't mean we never struggle. Strength can look like asking for help, resting when we need to, saying no, attending therapy, leaving an unhealthy environment or relationship (romantic, familial, friend or professional), or getting through a difficult day. Every one of these choices can return a little more power back to us.

Time:

Healing rarely happens according to a set schedule. Some days may feel peaceful, while others may bring memories, emotions, or circumstances that remind us of what was done to us. That doesn't mean we've failed or returned to the beginning of our healing and recovery journeys.

Time gives us opportunities to practice what we've learned and discover what works for ourselves. As we heal and recover, the trauma can gradually become a chapter of in our lives rather than something that controls every part.

With time, the balance of power can begin to shift from something that once felt entirely outside of our control toward a growing sense of control within ourselves. Internal peace doesn't mean forgetting, approving of what was done to us, nor does it mean that the trauma doesn't matter. It means we’re learning that the trauma we’ve endured doesn’t get to determine everything that happens next in our lives.

As people who’ve lived through sexual victimization, we can give ourselves permission to pursue peace without feeling guilty for being happy. We can learn, grow, rest, laugh, love, create, and dream again.

We don't have to wait until every wound feels completely healed before we begin living. Our peace is not a denial of what was done to us. It is a declaration that we won’t be held back the rest of our lives. And, every step we take toward understanding ourselves, caring for ourselves, and choosing the life we want is another step toward bringing that power home.

Living Beyond™ Together

Every story shared, every perspective offered, and every conversation started helps change how we understand sexual violence and improve our survivorship journeys.

What activity have you implemented into your daily life that has been most helpful?

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If this article helped you or gave you a new perspective, please share it with someone who may benefit from reading it. Together, we can create more understanding, more compassion, and a world where survivors are never expected to heal in silence.

— The GOTU Community

Image by Kelvin Han