Navigating Triggers After Sexual Violence

Part of healing and recovering after sexual violence can mean learning to live with moments when aspects of the past suddenly feel like they are happening in the present. A smell, sound, place, touch, conversation, facial expression, or even a particular time of year can trigger a negative physical or emotional response before we have time to understand what’s happening. Sometimes, we know exactly what triggered us and other times the reactions we may demonstrate seem to come from nowhere.

Our hearts may race, breathing may change, bodies may tense, shake, or become numb. We may feel frightened, angry, confused, disconnected, or overwhelmed. We may also experience intrusive memories or feel as though we’re back in the moment we survived.

These reactions can affect nearly every part of daily life after the triggering event. It can become difficult to concentrate at work or school, withdraw from people we love, lose sleep, avoid certain places, experience changes in appetite, or find ordinary life responsibilities suddenly exhausting all over again. This could cause us to cancel plans, become easily startled, or have difficulty being emotionally present with the people around us. No matter what each our responses may be, none of it means we are failing.

A triggered response can be our nervous system trying to protect us from something it remembers as dangerous. Our bodies learned how to survive the initial sexual violence. As a result, our bodies sometimes continue sounding the alarm even when the danger has passed. And one of the ways of sounding the alarm is recognition.

It’s important to realize that finding internal peace doesn’t mean that we ignore the triggers or make every one of them disappear. Peace begins with learning that we can experience difficult emotions without allowing them to define our entire day…or the series of days afterward. It’s the gradual discovery that the present is different from the past and we have access to tools and information that may help us to better cope.

Here are five steps that may help us navigate being triggered and begin finding our way back to ourselves, sooner rather than later:

1. Recognize what’s happening

When we notice our bodies reacting, we can gently name the experience: We are triggered. Something has brought up a painful memory, but we’re in a different place now.

Naming what’s happening can create a small but meaningful distance between the reaction and our interpretation of it. We don’t have to immediately understand why we are triggered. Simply recognizing the response can be the beginning of regaining a sense of control.

2. Return to the present

Grounding can help remind our nervous system that we’re living in the present, not reliving the past. We can:

• place both feet firmly on the floor and notice the support ground beneath us

• slowly identify things we see, hear, smell, or touch

• take gentle breaths without forcing ourselves to breathe deeply

• say the date aloud, look around the room, or remind ourselves where we are and what’s happening around us

Small reminders can matter: We’re in a different place. We survived the traumatic event. This moment is different.

3. Give ourselves permission to pause

We don’t have to push through every difficult moment. When possible, we can step away from a stressful environment, postpone a conversation, take a quiet break, turn off social media, or spend a few minutes somewhere that feels safe. All of these things can be done, including saying “No”, without explaining any of it to anyone.

Pausing isn’t weakness, avoidance, or failure. Sometimes stepping back is an act of self-protection that allows us to return when we feel more regulated.

4. Respond to ourselves with compassion rather than judgment

One of the hardest parts of healing can be the way we talk to ourselves afterward. We may think, Why am I still affected by this? Why can't I just move on? Instead, we can practice offering ourselves the same compassion we would offer another person who was also sexually victimized.

We can say: It makes sense that this is difficult. Our reaction does not make us weak. We’ re allowed to heal at our own pace. Healing isn’t a race, and there is no deadline for improving our overall wellness.

5. Build peace between the triggers

Internal peace isn’t created only during moments of crisis. We can cultivate it during ordinary days through small, consistent acts of care.

That might include maintaining healthy routines, getting adequate rest, spending time with people who make us feel safe, journaling, creating art, listening to music, walking, practicing meditation or prayer if those practices are meaningful to us, or seeking support from a trauma-informed professional.

We can also learn our personal warning signs and identify what helps us feel grounded in a way that may minimize responses to being triggered. The more familiar we become with our needs, the more confidently we can respond when difficult moments arise.

Being triggered doesn’t erase our progress made on our respective healing and recovering journeys. A difficult day or feeling doesn’t mean we are back at the beginning. Healing is rarely a straight line. Sometimes progress looks like going weeks without a trigger. Other times, it looks like recognizing what’s happening sooner, asking for help, setting a boundary, or giving ourselves permission to rest.

And, as we continue healing and recovering, we can learn that peace doesn’t have to mean a life without difficult emotions. Sometimes peace means knowing that when those emotions arrive, we can meet ourselves with patience, compassion, and care. Little by little, we can learn to not let those triggering moments or resulting feelings control us and find our way back to ourselves.

We’re surviving and healing. Peace can belong to us, too.

Living Beyond™ Together

Every story shared, every perspective offered, and every conversation started helps change how we understand sexual violence and improve our survivorship journeys.

What activity have you implemented into your daily life that has been most helpful?

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If this article helped you or gave you a new perspective, please share it with someone who may benefit from reading it. Together, we can create more understanding, more compassion, and a world where survivors are never expected to heal in silence.

— The GOTU Community

Image by: Arun Anoop