Complexities of Going No Contact
Going no contact means completely cutting off communication and physical proximity with a perpetrator. It’ss a critical safety strategy for many survivors of sexual violence. This means no verbal, written, direct, or indirect contact, and the main purpose is to create the distance necessary for healing and to prevent further harm. It’s also a heavy decision that is made after a survivors weighs their safety, ability to survive, and opportunities to be supported when they’re away from the perpetrator.
While it may sound like a straightforward or natural choice, the decision to go no contact is often complex and deeply personal. For many survivors, especially since 93% of reported sexual crimes are committed by someone known to the victim (according to a GOTU survey), going no contact can have far-reaching consequences. It could mean losing access to family, friends, financial stability, housing, employment, or even medical care. When the perpetrator is a caregiver, romantic partner, employer, or a powerful community figure, the risks of leaving can feel overwhelming and, in some cases, life-threatening.
Survivors constantly weigh the need for self-preservation. They may want nothing more than to stay away from the person who hurt them, but basic survival needs can make that impossible to do safely. Sexual violence rewires the brain’s stress response, making the uncertainty of leaving an already unstable situation even more daunting. That’s why some survivors remain in contact until a concrete plan for safety is in place, while others, with no viable options, may be forced into unsafe situations—sometimes facing even greater risks, like homelessness, further exploitation, or substance abuse.
Statistics around sex workers, people with addiction issues, and missing persons show a strong connection to unaddressed sexual trauma and a lack of adequate support during their journey. Far too often, survivors are pushed out before they are truly prepared or safe, leading to even worse outcomes.
If you want to proactively support survivors, here’s what you can do:
Listen without judgment. Understand that choosing whether or not to go no contact is about survival, not weakness or loyalty.
Offer practical support. Help with planning, access to resources, or even just being present can make a difference.
Respect their timeline. Pressuring someone to leave before they’re ready can be harmful. Instead, focus on empowering them with information and connection to services.
Be an advocate. Speak up for policies, organizations, and communities that provide real, accessible support—including safe housing, financial assistance, and trauma-informed care.
For survivors, remember: your safety and wellbeing come first. Seeking support and making a plan are acts of courage. The path to healing is not linear, and every decision you make with your own best interests at heart is valid and worthy of respect.
Whether you are a survivor or an ally, working together to create safe, informed, and compassionate communities can transform survivorship from a fight for survival into a journey of empowerment and hope.
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