5 Ways You Promote Sexual Violence

Sexual assault is a global epidemic. In the United States alone, 1 in 3 women and 1 in 6 men is sexually assaulted. This means that approx. 1 in every 4.5 people has been victimized. This number is alarming. But, what’s more alarming is the number of people who aren’t knowledgeable about sex crimes.

In my two years+ of research on the topic of sexual assault survivorship, I’ve found that many people don’t know: who can be assaulted; what constitutes a violation; who can commit the crime; and, what they can do to better fight against sexual violence.

It’s important for you to know that by not educating yourself about sexual violence, you are allowing its existence in your everyday life. Don’t think so? If you do any of these five things, you are helping perpetuate sexual violence:

1. Not knowing what constitutes a sexual violation
   We’ve been conditioned to believe that sexual violence occurs when a stranger grabs a women out of the shadows of night to beat and rape her. Although this is an example of sexual violence, it is only a tiny piece of a much larger picture. The truth is that sexual violence has a wide spectrum of acts that constitute sexual assault (a single violation) or abuse (a series of assaults). It’s important for people to be educated on sex crimes to ensure that they aren’t committing these horrible acts:
   **Rape — Penetrating a person’s body - with genitals, other body parts or any [external] objects - without their prior consent
   **Molestation — Contacting a person’s chest/breasts, genitals or buttocks (can occur with or without clothing) without their prior consent
   **Coercion — Pressuring someone to engage in sexual contact or acts to a point where they feel threatened or unsafe to say “no” or get away
   **Exposing someone to unwanted sexual content or acts — Publicly displaying sexual content or performing sexual acts where others can see it without first getting each person’s prior consent
   **Voyeurism — Watching someone or taking photos or video of them in an intimate moment without their prior knowledge and consent
   **Stealthing (a form of Rape) — Removing a prophylactic device (e.g. condom or dental dam) and continuing sexual contact without your partner’s consent

2. Spreading sexual rumors about a person
   For some people, gossiping is fun. There are some reports that state gossiping allows you to better connect with others…forming stronger bonds. But, in the world of sexual assault and abuse, gossiping about a person’s (rumored) sexual activity can be dangerous to them.
   Sex crimes are about control and power, not only sexual gratification. Perpetrators seek opportunity to commit their crimes against a target; and, a target having a reputation of being promiscuous increases that opportunity. Sexual perpetrators gain more power per these rumors. The more detailed the rumor and the more people that spread it, the more control a perpetrator has over the narrative when a person with a “bad” sexual reputation makes an accusation against them. Ultimately, these types of rumors can lay the foundation that allows a sexual perpetrator to be successful in victimizing someone. It can also make it more difficult for, if not prevent, a victimized person from ever realizing justice.

3. Laughing at or engaging with sexual assault jokes or content
   Although you may not be the creator of the content, engaging with it and the people who create it sends a message that you’re okay with the violation of a person’s sexual boundaries. And, if a (would be) perpetrator feels that others support their beliefs and behaviors, they may be less likely to not violate others. In fact, they may even believe that others in the social circle have their same bad behaviors.
   It’s important to know that these types of jokes and content are harmful because words matter…words have power. They aren’t “ just words” or “a joke”. So, when sexually violent jokes or content is shared, it’s important to not demonstrate acceptance of the material or the people who continue to share them. And, if you feel safe, it’s even worth it to communicate how harmful the material is to everyone.

4. Shaming and/or blaming a victimized person
   When it comes to public allegations of sexual assault or abuse, our society currently focuses on the details of each sexual assault; the social good of the accused perpetrator; and, the reputation of the accused. Focussing on these areas has created the idea of the “acceptable victim”. In other words, there are certain criteria that must exist for a victim to have deserved it. Social bias pushes the narrative that a victim got what they deserved by dressing a certain way; drinking too much; taking drugs; or, being out too late in an unsafe neighborhood.
   This same social bias creates the very false narrative that a person who is famous, attractive, married, has kids, or is publicly nice and giving can’t be a perpetrator of sex crimes; thus, further pushing an additional false narrative that accusers are falsifying allegations for fame or a payout.
   Both scenarios are wrong and harmful because they doesn’t focus on the facts. Instead it rely on implicit bias to determine whether or not a crime actually took place.
   Under the current social practice of addressing sex crimes, persons victimized are contiually victimized by being blamed and shamed for coming forward. It’s important to understand that sex crimes are about control and power. So, it’s not accurate to focus on what a victim did or didn’t do.
   You must understand that there’s no such thing as an “acceptable victim”. Anyone can be victimized at any time, by anyone. So the real issue is that blaming victims demonstrates support for people who commit sex crimes because it prevents the perpetrators from being held accountable.

5. Ignoring allegations
   Not confronting friends and family (or other people you know) who have been accused of sexually violating someone is very dangerous. It’s important to know that the likelihood of being sexually violated is partly determined by the company you keep. The people who engage with sexually violent jokes or other content or have been accused of violating someone, [in a way] demonstrate that they are comfortable with the idea of crossing someone’s sexual boundaries (whether intentionally or unintentionally). And, a failure to confront these people allows them and others to believe that you are okay with the enactment of sexual violence.
   It’s easy to ignore the allegations, especially if the accused is someone you know, love and/or respect. It’s hard to think that these people are capable of committing a sex crime. But, the truth is simple. We only know people as much as they allow us to know them. We don’t know everything about the people in our lives, the say way these people don’t know everything about us. So, the possibility for the accusation to be true does exist. Realistically, a confrontation with the accused may not lead to the truth. But, it can afford youthe opportunity to take a stand against the crime by publicly declaring a position against sex crimes and the people who commit them.
   You owe it to yourself, your family, friends and communities to talk about the allegations with the accused person. This is a solid step to help keep you and others safe.

For Your Consideration:
-It’s important to not make the allegations about you or your relationship with the accused.
-You already know that a person isn’t safe if you won’t leave your loved ones around them without you being present or you won’t be alone with someone.

The hope is that you walk away more informed so that you can better participate in the fight against sex crimes. I believe that education and a shift in focus, from the victim toward the perpetrator, can help us change the social landscape in a ways that better support victimized persons and hold perpetrators accountable.

For anyone who has been violated, please know that it wasn’t your fault. You’re not alone. The GOTU community stands with you.

If you are an advocate or support for someone who has been victimized by a sex crime and need a community, the GOTU community is here for you.

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