2021 Recipient: Nicole Moehring
Nicole Moehring is a GOTU 2021 Crucial Point Award Recipient because of her work as Co-Founder of Voices of Change, a non-profit organization that sheds light on the sexual victimization of differently abled children.
During a sit down Q&A session, Nicole shared her “why”. The reason that makes her a fierce supporter for sexual assault survivors, especially those who are differently abled, is very moving. We hope that you can appreciate Nicole’s journey and all of her hard work to fight against sex crimes.
As a supporter of a sexual assault survivor [secondary survivor], what does healing mean to you?
For me, healing has been extremely complex. It wasn’t just me healing. I had to focus on my child, who was abused and his needs as well as my own recovery from it. I felt his needs were the center of healing, before my own. As a parent of a child with special needs who was sexually abused, there were very few resources or support, which made our journey of healing even more difficult. It’s imperative to get the necessary help, mentally and emotionally. It’s also so important to receive support from those close to you. Without it, the journey is that much more difficult and longer.
Supporting a survivor isn’t easy. What helped you along during your healing journey (family and friends, time alone, therapy, self help activities)?
I have an amazing husband, who has been at my side through it all. He has been my rock and so supportive to my son and myself. In addition, my mom and my late step-dad were also extremely supportive to our family. We were lucky to have an extremely supportive medical team for my son, who went above and beyond for him to make sure he had the necessary supports in place to help in his recovery.
How do you maintain your daily wellness and navigate triggers?
I have found that getting up every day; getting dressed; and, using a positive mindset has helped me tremendously. Staying away from negative and toxic situations and spending quality time with my husband and kids has been very helpful.
What do you want a survivor to know about coming forward to a supporter?
As difficult as it may be, never doubt yourself. You did nothing wrong. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Never let anyone scare you into thinking you shouldn’t report the abuse. Perpetrators want their victims to feel vulnerable and scared so they won’t report it. Then they are free and able to find another victim or in my sons’ case, he was victimized again, by the same perpetrator.
**TRIGGER WARNING: This answer involves sexual assault of a child.**
How did you feel the moment you found out that your child was victimized? And, what were your initial thoughts?
January 14, 2016 is a day I will never forget. My son Evan was telling me about a speaker at his school that week, talking about stranger danger. I had always had the “stranger danger” conversation with both Maci and Evan. Just as I would always talk to them about good and bad touching. As Evan was talking, I had this feeling inside of me, a feeling, to this day, I cannot explain. Perhaps a “gut” feeling, but it was like nothing I had ever felt before. I looked at Evan and said “Evan, you remember what mommy always told you, “no one is ever allowed to touch your body, where you wear your bathing suit”. I was expecting a simple “I know mommy” response. Instead, he looked at me, a look of fear on his face, and said “even someone we know?” Evan explained to me, in his words, that he had been molested by someone we knew. I felt like I was going to throw up. I didn’t know what to do or how to respond but I knew I couldn’t react and I certainly didn’t want to upset him. I was literally frozen in my spot. I couldn’t move. I believed Evan. There wasn’t a question in my mind that he wasn’t telling the truth. Evan explained to me how his perpetrator told him not to say anything because he would get in trouble, so out of fear, he said nothing. We eventually suspected that this abuse happened over a 3-year period. I was in such a state of shock and didn’t know what to do first. My head was spinning, my heart was torn in two, my stomach was twisting. I was in total disbelief. Not knowing who to contact, I called the kids’ doctor to ask what we should do. I honestly never thought I would be faced with this. I thought, because he had a disability, he was exempt from ever being touched inappropriately. Little did I realize, children with disabilities are more vulnerable and more likely to be abused.
At what point did you know that you wanted to be an activist or advocate for the survivor community?
The passion and drive behind starting our nonprofit, Voices of Change 2018 (VOC) came after both my daughter, Maci, was a victim of sexual assault and my son, Evan, who is autistic, was a victim of sexual abuse. I quickly discovered how difficult it is to navigate the criminal justice system for victims of sexual abuse with disabilities and their families/guardians. Wanting to help others who experienced the same barriers as we did, my daughter and I founded VOC so that others would not have to be alone in their journey to recovery.
How did you decide on the niche of your platform to promote awareness of sex crimes? And, how do you know when it's time to refocus your efforts?
We decided our platform needed to be focused on awareness of sex crimes against children with disabilities. Currently, there isn’t a lot of focus on this area. Honestly, unfortunately, I don’t feel we will ever need to refocus our efforts only because there are very few organizations with similar missions and there are so many children with disabilities who need our help. We need to spread awareness to reduce the risk of abuse and end the stigma. There is too much work to be done.
What is the direction of your work? How is it evolving?
Because my son has special needs, there were very few supports, services or resources for us, which is why my daughter and I founded Voices of Change 2018. Children with disabilities should have every opportunity that every other child has for equality, inclusion and justice. We are in the process of developing a program, educating parents of children with disabilities how to reduce the risk of abuse. In addition, we are partnering with trauma-informed and trauma-responsive mental health clinicians skilled in working with persons with disabilities to provide access to recovery. We never want any family to go through what we did.
Voices of Change 2018 has evolved quicker than I could have imagined. But, it’s is a bittersweet feeling. As much as I’m glad [VOC] has evolved so quickly, the growth shows the dire need for our services. Children with disabilities are one the most vulnerable populations for being sexually violated.
Follow Nicole’s work here:
www.voicesofchange2018.org
www.nicolemoehring.org
Get a signed copy of Nicole’s debut book here: https://www.nicolemoehring.org/purchase-a-signed-copy-of-finding-myself/finding-myself
What has been your proudest moment as an activist or advocate?
Besides having my children see my passion, dedication and drive to make changes and helping those without a voice, one of my proudest moments was not too long ago. I was a guest on talk radio, my husband and son were listening to the interview in another room. When I was done, I went into the room they were in and my husband said at the beginning of the interview, when they announced me, my son said, “Hey, I know her!”
What words of wisdom do you have for supporters of sexual assault survivors?
No matter what happens and how many days you feel like things will not get any better, never give up. Keep your head up, believe in yourself, even if you feel no one believes in you. There are people available to talk to. Never allow your abuser to know they won. That’s what they want. Take your power back. Own it. You can do it. It’s not an easy road, I will never say it is but, I will say the journey of recovery and healing is totally worth it.