Consent, Consent, Consent
Understanding consent is critical to our ability to protect ourselves and help to protect the people we care about. A failure to understand and implement consent decreases our safety with the people in our lives.
Consent must be fully informed, enthusiastically given, free of coercion and threats, and able to be withdrawn or rescinded at any time, even during an encounter, and is applicable for a person’s body or their property. This understanding applies to all interactions, not just sexual ones. And, it’s applicable to all people - family, friends, acquaintances, co-workers, partners, and legal spouses. No matter a person’s age, the rules of consent must be followed in order to create and maintain a safe environment.
Oftentimes, consent is only considered for sexual encounters. This limited scope causes us to miss opportunities to establish safety in our non-sexual relationships. It’s important to implement consent in all of our other relationships to help ensure increased safety of all involved persons.
“Consent must be fully informed, enthusiastically given, free of coercion and threats, and able to be withdrawn or rescinded at any time, even during an encounter.”
Another component of consent are boundaries. A request for a change in boundaries are the triggers or the point in an interaction that call for consent. Here are examples of boundaries and consent for our relationships:
Family - Giving a spare house key to be used only for emergencies. People with keys aren’t permitted to enter your home just to hangout when you’re not there or bypass you to get your belongings without first engaging you. If they want to enter your home for non emergencies, they must first get your permission.
Family / Friends - Sharing personal information with them. If they want to share that information, they ask you before sharing with anyone else.
Friends / Co-workers / Family / Date / Partner or Spouse - Requiring that they don’t just touch your body or belongings because they feel like it. If they want to shake your hand or give you a hug, they must first get your permission.
Enforcing requirements for consent consistently delivers the message that people aren’t entitled to us or our possessions. (NOTE: This is particularly important for teenagers who are dating. And, it’s okay to end a relationship with anyone who doesn’t respect our boundaries.) It also reinforces that we are prioritizing our own feelings, wants and needs over theirs. This messaging lets other people know that we’re aware of our own value and importance.
For many of us, the way that we were raised or even the assault may make it difficult to [fully] implement consent into our lives. We don’t have to make a complete change all at once. Easing into the practice makes it easier to start. For example: implement consent with specific people or with certain acts and work toward a larger scope of boundaries over time.
A failure to implement consent and create boundaries keeps us in a space of not having full control over our personhood. Our safety and wellness require us to stand up for ourselves in this way.
Image: IStock